Updated: Jan 4
Hey beautiful soul,
As I was thinking about Loved by Destiny’s December theme “Power,” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to share, or how I wanted to inspire you to tap into your own power. My (& mostly everyone’s) favorite way to learn is through stories so I figured I’d share a moment with you where I took back my power and what it taught me.
If you’ve been a part of my community for a while, then you know that Loved by Destiny was founded as a healing guide after surviving a toxic relationship. In 2015, I showed myself the love I was waiting to receive and that led to a bunch of self-discovery, pain – but also a lot of fun, dance & travel. My journey back home to self convinced me that self-love was the catalyst to all healing.
After 4 years of practicing self-love incessantly, saying YES to myself and opportunities around me, boldening up to share my writing, and doing things that scared the hell out of me, I grew more confident in myself. In fact, I grew so damn confident that two summers ago I impulsively decided it was time to confront my abusers. Full of self-love and a newfound respect for myself, I told them how they hurt me, what I expected from them, and how they let me down. It felt like a glorious moment - I finally stood up for myself.
* Disclaimer: If confronting your abusers feels in alignment with your personal journey, please do so with support from a mentor, healer, teacher, mental health professional, or wellness professional you trust.
But this is where I fucked up. LOL Not because I shouldn’t have confronted them, but because I had super unrealistic expectations of what would happen after doing so.
I truly thought that hearing people who have caused me pain confirm their pain would send me across the healing finish line. What it really did was send me to the healing starting line yet again, where my real work began. I learned there was still healing left for me to take responsibility for. Que cosa, eh?
Thinking that their admission was going to change me for the better was an example of me giving away my power. I naively assumed that my healing was in the hands of someone else, and that my work here was done (yep, we can all laugh together at that one).
I share this story with you to inspire you to think about the moments in your life where you are giving away your power to people or circumstances that don’t deserve it. Where can you take responsibility for your healing? Who can you stop blaming for how you feel? I don’t think we should ever absolve the people who have caused us pain from the responsibility of accepting their actions. I also think it’s up to us to move past the pain and blame when we feel ready.
This experience forced me to reflect on myself. Through journaling and professional guidance I learned where my people pleasing tendencies really came from, practiced holding strong boundaries, sat with the guilt I felt afterwards, and understood where my fear of being disliked came from. In all, I realized I could do anything - that there was nothing to fear. That if I could look at my most painful experiences in the face... I was truly unstoppable.
So, I leave you with this… you are so much more powerful than the relationship you think broke you, or the trauma you feel defines you. You are infinitely more powerful than the job title you hold, or the circumstances you feel are holding you back. This month I invite you to consider where you can take back your power, instead of giving it away to people or circumstances it doesn’t belong to.
Ultimately, you deserve all of you.
& you are abundantly loved,